buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
