im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
