One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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