how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
