Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
