apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
