Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
