Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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