I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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