He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
