we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
