I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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