Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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