yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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