you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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