I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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