I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
