I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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