her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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