didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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