i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
