i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
