So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
