my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
