My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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