Rock
Scissors
Fuck
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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