I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
