I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
