he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
