i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
