I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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