You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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