Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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