Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
