Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Be still, my beating vagina.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
