Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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