i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
