I heard we made out
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
