i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
