I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
