Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
