It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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