I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
