Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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