Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
