You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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