someone owes me an orgasm
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
