Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just pee around me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
