dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
