Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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