terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
