We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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