either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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