Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
