Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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