If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
